Beloved Serene

Saturday, 17 May 2008

A Godly Geek Out

A Godly Geek Out ...

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on
the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was
tired of hearing all the bickering.

Finally fed up, God said, "THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set
up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will
judge who does the better job."

So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.

They moused.

They faxed.

They e-mailed.

They e-mailed with attachments.

They downloaded.

They did spreadsheets!

They wrote reports.

They created labels and cards.

They created charts and graphs.

They did some genealogy reports

They did every job known to man.

Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.

Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed
across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power
went off..

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in
the underworld.

Jesus just sighed.

Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their
computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming:

"It's gone! It's all GONE! "I lost everything when the power went out!"

Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the
past two hours of work..

Satan observed this and became irate.

"Wait!" he screamed. "That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his
work and I don't have any?"

God just shrugged and said,

JESUS SAVES...

(Groan)

Giggling in the graveyard

Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York :
Born 1903--Died 1942.
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down.
It was.

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In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:
Here lies an Atheist, all dressed up and no place to go.

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On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery , Nova Scotia :
Here lies Ezekial Aikle, Age 102.
Only the Good Die Young.

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In a London, England cemetery:
Here lies Ann Mann, who lived an old maid but died an old Mann. Dec. 8, 1767

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In a Ribbesford, England , cemetery:
Anna Wallace
The children of Israel wanted bread, and the Lord sent them manna.
Clark Wallace wanted a wife, and the Devil sent him Anna.

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In a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:
Here lies Johnny Yeast. Pardon me for not rising.

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A lawyer's epitaph in England:
Sir John Strange.
Here lies an honest lawyer,
and that is Strange.

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In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania, cemetery:
Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake.

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In a Silver City , Nevada , cemetery:
Here lays The Kid.
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger
But slow on the draw.

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John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England cemetery:
Reader, if cash thou art in want of any,
dig six feet deep and thou wilt find a Penny.

=============================

In a Hartscombe, England cemetery:
On the 22nd of June, Jonathan Fiddle went out of tune.

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Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont:
Here lies the body of our Anna,
Done to death by a banana.
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low,
But the skin of the thing that made her go.

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On a grave from the 1880s in Nantucket, Massachusetts:
Under the sod and under the trees,
lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
He is not here, there's only the pod.
Pease shelled out and went to God.

==================================

In a cemetery in England :
Remember man, as you walk by,
as you are now, so once was I.
As I am now, so shall you be.
Remember this and follow me.

To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone:
To follow you, I'll not consent
until I know which way you went.